Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Randomize
