sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish you could order shots online.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
