So drunk, too bad you don't want this
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
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Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
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Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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