I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
