we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
