Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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