He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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