He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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