I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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