Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
