Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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