I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
