also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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