my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
