can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
