last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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