i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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