Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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