What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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