Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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