My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize