Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
