girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Holy shit dude........stairs
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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