got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
