I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
