I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
