Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
