Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think my vagina is haunted
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
