i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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