so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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