Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How does one acquire holy water?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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