thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
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Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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