I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
