he wants to bone in the snuggie
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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