sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
