Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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