So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
