yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
