I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
