The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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