his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
