Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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