Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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