the new term for farting is butt boxing.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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