The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize