She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
