Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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