Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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