none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
