capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
