The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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