OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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