if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
