i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
