The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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