i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
