i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
