threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
