Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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