it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize