She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
