In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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