I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
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He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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