you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
