fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Randomize
