she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
